Wings

Rise up from intrepid darkness
A cloak that imbibes doom yet only
Slides itself under the world a soft reminder
Of the womb silken beat
That rises upward
As echoing geysers
Pushing past the inherent thickness
Of compressed earth and stone
Settled compactly over a throbbing light core
The star is hidden
The mystery folded over itself
In layers of story
Welded into invisible wings
That will rise up
Will seek companionship
In the days to come
With starlight song to guide them

By Esyule

Sappho Sez ... an advice column

Dear Sappho,
I never thought I’d do this but I feel compelled to write you. Every three months for the past year, I’ve read your column aloud to my partner. First I’d read all the letters from women with questions for you. Then we’d try to guess which one would provoke you to answer with a “nonviolent communication is the key” response. Actually, it’s never that difficult since that’s your basic answer to every dumb question these women write in about. Where do they come from, anyway? They can’t be for real! But that’s beside the point. I recently attended the quarterly business meeting of a women’s nonprofit group, since I was considering joining their board. One woman there took up a lot of the meeting time with some really negative leading questions about a recent fundraiser the group had held. She whined on and on through the entire meeting. It was tedious and uncomfortable and I just wanted someone to tell her to shut up. Her diatribe had little to do with anything on the agenda, though she claimed a connection in each instance. She finally brought the meeting to a halt when, on the verge of tears, she ranted, “I’ve been a member of this organization for 13 years. I’ve brought in new members every year. I’m here for every board meeting and I volunteer for every fundraiser. And not one of you came over to help at my booth!” It seemed like the situation would take the rest of the evening to resolve and I was looking for a back door in order to escape, when a little old woman who had come in halfway through the meeting, quietly stated, “It sounds like you’re really hurt and angry because when you were in need of assistance and wanted moral support for your new project, all the other volunteers were engaged in other activities and didn’t offer to help you.” Less than three minutes of conversation later, the wound up woman had calmed down and seemed content not to be the center of attention for the remainder of the meeting. I connected with the little old woman before I left and asked her exactly what had happened back there. She told me that she had used empathy to hear the other woman’s needs behind her feelings and that once she felt really heard, the woman was able to let go of controlling the meeting. She went on to say that she had spent the last year working in a small group with other people who wanted to learn to communicate more effectively in their intimate relationships. I had my comeuppance when, in response to all my questions, she referred me to her nonviolent communication group. Now, I’m two months into an NVC group (not the AR one you go on about) and I’m writing you, Sappho, to say I’m now a believer and I’ll never be able to make fun of you again. Well, at least, not with the same amount of glee.

Learning Empathy in Iowa

Dear Learning,
Thanks for your honest letter and for sharing your experience of witnessing an episode of nonviolent communication in action. In my personal life, I’m really just now barely beginning to get a gut-level feel for the avoidance of falling into my usual, old, very well-established patterns of behaving. I recently experienced a personal epiphany while engaged in working through a problem with a close friend. It occurred to me while I was in the midst of being dragged down emotionally, that I didn’t have to go there to that old familiar place in response to her expression of feelings. The epiphany was experiential rather than intellectual; I already “knew” her feelings and reactions were hers and really had nothing to do with me or my behavior. But, to actually catch myself in the act of dragging myself down and to be able to stop that process was enlightening and freeing: “Wow, I really can listen and be understanding without making judgments on myself.” I’m excited at the prospect of joining another class on nonviolent communication this fall in order to deepen my understanding of the precept of empathy and how to extend it to myself as well as others.
Sappho

Spiritual Column

By Esyule TwinStar

Autumn is the time of harvest and I have this image of Kuan Yin standing with her beautiful urn of unending pure waters of compassion flowing into the full bearing gardens of our lives. Surrounding her is vast diversity of color and shape in all the healing plants bearing fruit from branch and vine. The message is to continually feed the positive in your life with kindness, love and understanding. These waters are pure because they represent pure truth and the nurturing of the world by that essence. Washing away inner delusions and outer lies, full and abundant life force will flow in, giving us the energy and strength to open to the abundance of the world. This is a time of great change. Not only is the season shifting, but the greater cycle is also coming into a new, so very positive era, countering old negative thought forms and behaviors. It is time to let those old patterns that have only brought suffering die off. Kuan Yin stands with us, a gentle reminder to fill all newly emptied space with kindness—surely an easy action, be compassionate—an extension of love to your self and the world, and to compost the old. This will yield a new world that we can be at peace with, though it will require a gestation time. Blessings to all as we greet this Autumn Equinox with hope, love and light.

Festival Ramblings

By Cynthia Huelsmann

This year I gave myself the gift of free time, choosing not to dive back into work after my job ended in December 2007. I have long had the dream of attending as many womyn's festivals as I could manage, and I decided this was the year to do it. In a series of articles I will attempt to share some of my experiences and thoughts on three of the festivals I was able to attend this summer. This article will cover my experiences at Womongathering.
http://www.womongathering.com/the_festival.htm

Held June 12—15 at a summer camp in northeast Pennsylvania, 2008 was the 20th year for this festival celebrating spiritual ritual. This was a Water and West year, honoring the Crone aspect of the Goddess. I was a festie virgin, driving alone up to the gate, after a day and a half on the road, and I was a little anxious and a lot excited about what was to come. I arrived on Thursday almost an hour after the gate opened, comforting myself in the knowledge that some friends attending were long-time festie-goers, including our own locals, Cedar and Esyule. Luckily for me, my housing assignment required changing and, at my request, the lodging assigner was happy to assign me to White Buffalo cabin with my friend Carol and her partner and friend. I felt like the goddess was looking out for me. I drove to the cabin to unload and there were Carol and Paula, and I had a home nest at fest! As I unpacked, I noticed another couple of friends setting up camp, and had another reunion. Shelley and Kathy were there to lead a singing workshop that I was really looking forward to attending.

Feeling somewhat settled, I dove into the flow of the festival. I had a bit of time to wander around the grounds and go through the welcoming gateway—a special spot with a couple of tents decorated in the water motif, occupied by womyn just waiting to give new arrivals a hug and tell them they were so happy they came. A womon could sit there and visit a while and spend a little time releasing what she wanted to leave behind and bringing her spirit together (grounding and centering) to be really present for the weekend.

Next on my agenda was finding the dinner hall and figuring out how that worked. We all brought our own plates and utensils and washed them in a communal sink area after meals. The food was great, and there was plenty of it. At dinner I joined my first workshop—a Sisters’ Sing-Along, led by an energetic group of womyn called the South Mountain Singers. They clearly loved singing and sharing their passion with all of us. I had great fun as we sang (from booklets they passed out) such standards as “Amazing Grace” (a witch version they had rewritten) and “Wade in the Water.” We sang songs that were new to me (the vagina songs), as well as many familiar chants—“We Give Thanks,” “I Thank the Earth” and “We All Come from the Goddess,” for example.

These same womyn were in charge of the procession and portal to the community ritual to light the sacred fire. So I found myself becoming Kali as I carried a large puppet with two other womyn and sang for what seemed like hours as hundreds of womyn slowly streamed through the portal to be blessed and purified. This year eight directions were recognized. In the center was the infinity symbol with fire in one loop and water in the other. Womyn took part in calling all the directions, led by Sappho as she lit the fire which she and a few others would lovingly tend for the entire weekend. We watched as it grew and we waited as it ate the big pile. The direction of its fall would indicate special meaning for our time together and for the coming year. [I think it fell to the northwest, and I have no recollection of Sappho’s reading regarding the direction’s special meaning.] This sacred fire is a real vital part of this festival and I wish I had had more time to spend there. I did go back for the closing circle which I will describe later. One thing I noticed, even this first day, was the flexibility of these womyn in their ritual and their openness to experimenting with different ways to do things. There was a joy in playing with the energy and an open inviting spirit. I felt welcome right away in this group.

Friday began for me with my turn at the sweat lodge, times having been assigned at registration. I was happy to have this purification early in the day and early in the festival. The Lakota Inipi ceremony was facilitated by Beverly Little Thunder, who is amazing and an early leader in sharing and teaching this ritual to womyn. As we arrived, we each made prayer ties to take into the lodge—one tie for each direction. We stooped as we crawled in, a prayer on our lips for “all my relations.” We entered as we had left our mothers womb into this womb of the mother earth. We were wedged in as close as possible, as we were told to “leave only the space of a tissue between you.” At final count there were twenty of us, and I think this was not a crowded lodge to Beverly.

The ritual was amazing. As we all sat in that dark hot space and sweated and prayed together, I felt our connection, heard how we had common desires and hopes. Most of us started with gratitude for all we have and then begged for a clear connection to our spirit to lead us to serve where we are needed. There were tears running down my cheeks as I heard the prayers of other womyn there and knew them as my own. It was hot but bearable. Beverly doesn’t believe sweats should be a form of torture; still, in some lodges—not ours—that weekend, womyn did have to leave. The door was opened four times to receive glowing, red-hot, local rocks representing the ancestors. I felt thankful that I ended up in a spot with a bent sapling, holding a little coolness, behind me. Leaning against it, on and off, enabled me to remain for the duration. This ritual was magic and I have not given all the details here; you need to come and experience it for yourself.

(to view the entire article, go to http://spinsterhaven.blogspot.com/)

On the Road Again & Back

by Esyule

This past June found me heading east to gather with a great group of womyn north of Scranton , PA. This year I was privileged to get to know Jenny Yates, full time astrologer, author and lesbian feminist. She was one of the workshop leaders at Womongathering and I offered to extend a network connection so that you too can order various types of astrology charts and readings via her web site/email. If interested contact Jenny at: jennyyates@yahoo.com or

http://www.astrologerjenny.com/

The weather was very hot and then quite stormy during the two and a half weeks away, which added spectacular skies and challenging driving. After Womongathering, I headed west in caravan with Cedar to National Women’s Music Festival in Madison, WI. There, I had time to visit with Tret Fure who is doing a wonderful music workshop in Virginia and promised to keep me posted of any events in the Midwest. She has a great new CD, True Compass. Find her website on the Sappho's Favorite Links page (http://sapphosweb.blogspot.com/).

For those wondering how Cris Williamson is doing, she also performed at National, is doing well and also has just released a new CD, Fringe. She performed a number of new pieces from the album and I enjoyed them.

Sid Reger taught one workshop at Womongathering and also taught at National. She will be submitting an article for Sappho’s Web this Fall. She is doing some great work on the Bee Goddess so we may be hearing more on that soon. If you’d like to check out Sid’s artwork or goddess study go to http://www.goddessmandala.com/.

Overall it was wonderful seeing such a cross-section of womyn of all ages and backgrounds participating in ceremonies, hearing new music from old friends and music from new young womyn as well as seeing both funny and serious theatrical presentations.

Looking for the Goddess in Greece

By Diana Rivers

Mother, we have come seeking some trace of You here in this dry, boney, beautiful land surrounded on all sides by sea, this land where You were worshipped for so long and by so many names. We have come hopeful and open-hearted but You are elusive, not easily found, hiding always just out of reach, a secret, a hint, a whisper, the echo of an echo, a locked gate, a closed museum, a shadow, a shadow behind the shadow, some words in a guide book but no directions, some directions but no sign, a sign, but the path much too long or steep for these old mortal feet to carry the body, or the road years gone in rain and rock-fall, the bus that doesn’t come, the boat that leaves too soon.

Sometimes it seems as if You are lost to us, perhaps even gone from this land, and we feel like crying, or we turn our anger and frustration on each other. Just as we despair of ever finding You, You whisper, You call, You beckon, always around the next corner, the next turn in the road, up the next hill. We follow and keep following and are finally rewarded by this cave, supposed to be Zeus’ birth-place, but for eons before that a center of worship to You as Goddess of childbirth.

This place is a womb, its dark opening guarded by a fig tree that both conceals and marks the entrance, hiding it from those who have no business here. We enter, bowing low under the rock ceiling, and are met by a metal fence and closed gate. No matter, the gate swings open at a touch, doorway to the under-world. Hushed and awed, we step into the silence and You are there. Your large, dark, ancient presence permeates this chamber and enfolds us. Our feeble lights barely open a tiny path in the darkness but we can see just enough. Your form is there before us, huge stone head and shoulders rising out of the earth, reflecting, echoing the shape of the cave around it. A flat altar-like rock is on the ground before You and we sink down beside it. Others have been here before us. We find flowers, sage, shells, feathers left as offerings. We add our own small offerings, light our little candle, pour water over You as a libation, sing our few chants and suddenly we are connected to circles going back and back and back through time, seeking guidance and comfort here at the Source. Sitting in this cool dark stillness, we have found our way home to You.

Spiritual Findings ... by Esyule

This seems like a water year when we are being offered lessons of flow and surrender. The great forces of the rivers, the windy storms and the seas all rise up to remove everything in the way of their turbulent waters and at the same time nourish all growing things. The fruit this year is abundant, the trees full and prospering along with the wild creatures that fully dance in the circle of life. We thank a wet season for all this.

There is a rune that is shaped like a bent reed called Laguz. This rune represents water and is regarded as feminine (as most aspects of water usually are), associated with the Goddess Nerthus who bestows blessings on all whom she visits. Laguz also means love and life representing the beginning and continuance of partnership unions. Often this means guidance via tests through the “primal waters” of our emotions, giving rise to sustenance. Laguz is the rune of fluidity and her message is to be flexible like the river reed.

This leads to the concept of surrender. As much as we like to sometimes believe that we control nature and how we walk in this world, the ultimate truth is that deep and ever present forces of mystery direct our lives. Surrender is the message of allowing. This comes when there is little alternative, but to be conscious of giving one’s life direction over to Higher Powers; it allows the journey to be an aware one that will lead us with our eyes open to uncharted and necessary shores. The Divine aspect of surrender is found through the simplicity of trust and purity of intention. It does not mean giving up, allowing negative energy to drown us or flood our lives with debris. It does, however, carve a new path in our worn ways of seeing ourselves in the world.
The message of this bright and full time of the year is to dance in the rain, float in the rivers, love fully and savor life. We, as independent and strong womyn, stand like the great blue heron in the river, patient and beautiful taking sustenance from all the blessings around us, following the current easily and gracefully.

Sappho Sez ... an advice column for the clueless

Sappho,
I have a question for you. What do you think of memoir writing? Should us women write our memoirs or are there more worthwhile activities for our leisure time?
A Reader in the City

Dear Reader,
Women who feel strongly that their memoirs should be written can visit the story circle website at http://storycircle.org/index.html for a wealth of information and ideas on memoir writing.
Sappho

Dear Sappho,
My partner wants to retire but I’m not ready yet. What would be a good “second” career that is less stressful for my partner? She teaches junior high kids in a difficult school now.
Gray She-Cat

Dear Gray She-Cat,
Is your partner ready for a second career? Should she put off her dream to retire because you’re not ready? Do you believe her purpose in life is to accommodate you? If your partner, whom I’ve never met and know nothing about, except that “she teaches junior high kids in a difficult school,” wants to find her passion in life, she could try reading and following the protocol in The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. I know some women who swear by it.
Sappho

To: Sappho,
I love the outdoors and gardening and my pets and I want to go organic, but I can’t stand fleas in my house and ticks everywhere (there are many ticks where I live). And I’m afraid of tick-borne disease. My lover says I shouldn’t kill other living things but shouldn’t I defend my life? I could die of spotted tick fever.
M.M.

Dear M.M.,
You’ll have to decide your own philosophy of life regarding killing insects. I can’t help you with that. I did an Internet search for “organic flea remedy” and got 699,000 results. Many of the products were proclaimed to be effective against ticks, as well, and safe to use around children and pets. If you have access to a computer and the Internet you can research the products at your leisure.
Sappho

Spinsterhaven Annual Meeting information

Saturday July 12th.

Where: OLHA main house (Crosses) for Meeting and Potluck Lunch/Barbeque

Followed with swimming at the White River down the road, then back to OLHA

Game Night and possible Auction of Womyn Made Art and Artisan work

When: 10 am - on into the afternoon/night

Offering: * Renew or join Spinsterhaven (umbrella non-profit organization for Spirit

Haven & Sappho's Web (newsletter)

* Opportunity to get involved with Sappho's Web (newsletter for womyn)

* Networking and support of all our endevours

* Fun and play!

Please bring: Potluck dish, swimming gear, any donated auction item, a friend

For more information and directions please call: Esyule (442-2104), Cedar (643-3658)

The Garden Way

Organic Gardening by Linda

Spring is most gardeners’ favorite season. But your winter garden can produce an amazing amount of food. This year, I tried growing cabbages over the winter. They all survived, but only a few grew to full size. And, surprise! They all started going to seed early this month. I have only one of my four-year-old Swiss chard plants left; one froze this winter and deer ate three. But I have five “new” Swiss chard plants that wintered over from last year’s planting and are now ready to harvest.

Our biggest harvest of the winter was from our Jerusalem artichoke bed. We harvested over a bushel of artichokes this month. This is a great plant that requires little care, and you don’t have to replant each year. It requires only a tiny amount of artichoke to begin a new plant. So, no matter how much you harvest, there is always enough to repopulate the bed. My partner, Carol, started this bed three years ago with just a few artichokes and now we are harvesting so much that we have to give them away.

But no matter how much we harvest, my garden pales in comparison to my mother’s and both my grandmothers’. My mother grew enough potatoes, carrots, beans, corn, cucumbers (pickling), tomatoes, rhubarb and Swiss chard to feed a family of twelve each year. In addition there were numerous summer crops of melons, lettuce, onions, peas, plums, broccoli, cabbage, squash, etc. And one of the biggest reasons for all that gardening was that there weren’t many options. You either grew your own or you bought from local farmers. You could buy some fresh food in the winter, but it was very expensive. And furthermore, it was inconvenient to go to the store; it was much more efficient to go to the root cellar to get the potatoes and carrots, to the freezer to get the beans or corn, and to the larder to get the canned tomatoes and pickles.

We are fortunate to have produce available year around from California, Washington State and Mexico, but we pay a price in high shipping costs and in the use of foreign oil. And unless we are buying organic, we are also using oil to fertilize the plants. Furthermore, most of the produce comes from large farms which use diesel fuel to plant, harvest and package the food. The natural solution is to buy locally and grow your own. Research shows that if we were to eat locally, especially local grass-fed beef, instead of eating shipped products, the savings would be similar to us all driving hybrids.

To promote local growing, WAG (Women’s Action Group) held a seed exchange in February and is organizing a street theater to encourage growing food locally. For WAG information, phone Susanna at 443-0031.

Sappho Sez

An Advice Column for the Clueless

Last quarter a reader (“Looking for the perfect answer”) wrote asking for a solution to the challenge of individuals, within couples, with different needs for space and companionship. Having pondered that issue myself and failing to come up with one solution that works for both individuals, I asked our readers to offer their remedies. Here are excerpts from some of your letters:

“The only way two people can really work out a relationship is to live together. It’s so much simpler than maintaining two homes. Living is just easier if there’s always someone around to help especially as we age. Issues that come up can be settled right there and the two can get on with their lives and take care of down to earth matters like vacuuming and making meals. I’m just amazed that people who love each other don’t want to spend as much time as possible together. What’s a relationship all about for those people? “Looking” seems like a selfish person to me. Maybe she doesn’t really want to be in relationship.”

(from “Disgusted” in Missouri)

“Thanks to “Looking” for addressing the couple’s living together/not living together question. I have not been able to find a partner who doesn’t expect to pull up in the proverbial old U Haul once we’ve slept together.”

(from “Staying Single” in Illinois)

“I’ve been won over by my loving and thoughtful partner of 5 years to understand that it really is possible to be in a healthy relationship without living together. I didn’t think I would be able to live separately but have come to realize that nebulous fears and acceptance of the typical nuclear family idea have kept me from realizing my own need for personal space… [My partner’s] patience and willingness to listen to my woes without judgment or blame, her insistence on taking care of herself within our relationship have opened up my vision of who I can and want to be… Best of all, our time together is of a very high quality. I find I can be more loving, more present than in past relationships.”

(from “Happier Than I Ever Thought I’d Be”
in Fayetteville, AR)

“It’s all such a struggle. I want to say—no—yell, scream, “I’ve had as much as I can take. Go away, leave me alone, find a partner who wants to be joined at the hip” and worse. But that’s from my childhood training, isn’t it? I also just want her to know my need for space is no reflection on my love for her. But that’s wrong, too. Of course, it’s a reflection of my deep regard for her that I want to take care of myself, that I care enough to be honest about my needs, that I’m unwilling to “go along” while I build resentments.”

(from “Struggling But Willing To Stay The Course”
in Combs, AR)

Thanks to everyone who wrote on this issue. I tried to present a range of views from all the opinions expressed and I wish space allowed all of your letters to be printed. Of course, there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this question, but your words may offer insight to readers looking for relief that they’ve been unable to find while living in the midst of their struggle.

Sappho

Spiritual Findings

by Esyule Twin Star

“Green is the color of…”

This is the time of year of renewal, rebirth and baby green leaves. Green is the color of growth, prosperity and life as the cycle between the sun and the earth is renewed through the blossoming of the plant world. We see rivers run freely and flowers explode with sweetness, and we experience the heady euphoria of new oxygen being pumped into our environments. This is a reminder of the flow of life from the pensive, gestating place of Winter into the place of new promise of Spring.

With newness, we may recall from whence we’ve come or the shadow trails of life. These are places and the memories of events so deep and tangible as to be nearly real again. In some cases, sensitive individuals can even see a replay of these moments in time. For most of us, the shadow trails are personal images caught and triggered by sensations, sight, touch, smell or taste. Whether it is a positive event or a negative experience, we may honor these moments as etchings on our soul that have given us profound “touch stone” points on our journey to greater consciousness. It is our job to transmute any fear or anger coming from something out of a past occurrence or encounter and allow this “picture” to be a marker and a teacher to bring into this renewal time, beginning now. Many lessons are learned through strong events if we look at them from many angles, especially spiritually. Imagine the higher self as witness and guide. Allow the positive events to be the seeds of today and any negative or hurtful ones to be allowed to compost into fertile ground for new growth.

Another insight for us now is the river of life. She is flowing as the devourer in many places as she moves large stones and trees from blocked passages. Her currents portend strong feminine energies able to change what one would have thought unmovable. She also brings great bodies of water to places long dry and needing cleansing. Offer blessings to the river in song and fruit and ceremony. Ask her for what you need, as her sweet spring waters carry all wishes along swiftly and eagerly. Note her green waters transitioning from still winter pools into eager places of movement.

Greet the faeries as they move up toward the sun and call the hidden flowers out from hiding. Remember those small creatures that can be seen if you just sit still and watch, as the sun grows in warmth and brightness. Happy Spring!

December -- Spiritual...

Spiritual Findings

Reaching for the Light by Esyule
(December 2007)

As the chill and darkness of the season settle in, there often comes the desire to hole up and sleep, both literally and metaphorically. In this dark time, I issue the call to reach in and embrace our inner spark, our inner light, and fan the fire, so to speak. As humans, we can get largely mental about the process of understanding ourselves in the scheme of life, but this is a perfect time to get basic. We are all united in spark and radiance. Enlightenment simply means being in the Light, the place that exudes all wisdom, all connectedness, all love. External light is a reflection of our very own inner glow; the degree with which it shines is the only variance. To strive for the light is a quest for enlightenment, inner peace, happiness and unity with the Greater Light. When you light your candles, string up strands of electric lights or kindle solstice fires, welcome back your own flame and look for ways to feed the fire that will then extend itself to illuminating the world. Practice loving acts of kindness. These seemingly small “twigs” of events are the fuel that feeds not only the fires of others, but our very own central flame. When we think of giving gifts this holiday season, reach deep and give that which is precious to us and joyfully received by others.
Remember we are all bits of star matter dancing in the universe, the world orbits our own inner selves, and we in turn orbit others. Reach for the light this season and see what grows from it.

December -- Sappho Sez ...

an advice column for the clueless
(December 2007)

Dear Sappho,
I find myself getting really irritated with my partner for no reason. We’ve been together for over a year and have been living together at her house for that entire time. That was swell to begin with, but after six months or so, I began to find myself growing restless and irritated with our routine. I began yearning for my simpler, pre-coupled life. At the same time, I love the comfort and familiarity of sleeping and eating together. I can’t decide whether to go back to living in separate houses or somehow creating more space for myself at her house. (I’m not even sure whether the latter would work as a solution.) We’ve talked about it some; she is very comfortable with our present living arrangement, doesn’t like living alone and isn’t looking forward to changing our current arrangement. Do you have any suggestions for us? We’re both aware of Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication process and try to use it whenever we find ourselves stressed over any issue. (So please don’t bring up that nonviolent communication group in Crosses.) Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Looking for the perfect answer

Dear Looking,
OK, I can take a hint and will back off from mentioning that really great group in Crosses, AR, which continues to be a source of growth for women living there. And thank you for approaching a topic which has been on my mind in the past few months. I believe many couples struggle to find a way to live together that is mostly beneficial to both partners. We’ve been socialized to believe that living together is The Way to partner with a lover. And yet, one person in a relationship is often more in tune with a coupled living arrangement than the other. I believe that most couples simply fall into a this-is-the-way-it-is attitude and carry on with their resentments and irritations, developing passive-aggressive or other behaviors in an attempt to bring themselves brief avenues of relief. I, personally, believe there are healthier means of maintaining a strong couple bond, but I’m at a loss to describe how two people go about achieving the perfect solution you’re seeking for two people with very different needs. So I’m going to ask our readers to help you by offering their ideas and experiences on this issue.
If you have any advice to offer “Looking” on the issue of living in a relationship while getting most of one’s needs satisfied, most of the time (particularly one partner’s need for time and space alone) without extensive suffering on anyone’s part, please email us at sapphosweb.com. We’ll publish your letters in the spring (March) edition of “Sappho’s Web.” I hope, Looking, that you can hold on until then.

Sappho

December -- The Garden Way

Organic Gardening by Linda
(December 2007)
With the onset of cold weather you might think that gardens and gardeners would be on vacation (or at least in rest mode). Not so, for this is the time of year to plan your garden for next spring. You may pour over seed catalogs to decide what new plants you would like to grow. One year I did just that and ended up with many more types of plants and seeds than I could ever plant. Or you may already have seeds you bought or saved from last year or earlier. Some seeds (like carrots) do best if they are very fresh, but many seeds keep more than a year, especially if you store them in a cool dry place or even in your freezer. To test if your seeds are viable before you spend money or time planting them: 1. Place 10 seeds on one half of a used damp double layer of paper towel. 2. Fold the other half of the towel over the seeds. 3. Place the towel in a used plastic bag and seal the top three-quarters of the way across. 4. Label the bag (especially if you are sprouting several kinds of seeds). 5. Check daily to make sure the towel stays damp; moisten if necessary. After 7 to 10 days, count the number of seeds that have germinated. If only 60 to 70 percent of seeds sprout, use extra seeds when planting. If less than 50% germinate you may want to buy new seeds.

If you want to get an early start on gardening, you will want to plant your seeds in containers. Stuck inside their containers, vegetables and flowers need a growing medium that provides them with air, nutrients, moisture retention and drainage. Making your own mixture allows you to customize it. Here is one recipe for starting seeds. Use: 2 gallons peat moss, 2 cups perlite, 3 or 4 quarts aged (6 months) compost and 1/8 cup of limestone. You can also add vermiculite (which contains potassium, calcium and magnesium). Mix in a tub with a trowel or by hand. Test your mix, before you use it, for: 1. Porosity. Pour 2 cups of water into 1 quart of the mix. In a few minutes you should be able to drain off about 1 cup of water, leaving 1 behind. The result will be ½ media, ¼ water, and ¼ air. 2. Drainage. Fill a small pot with the mixture and tap lightly on the sides to make sure it is loose. Pour 1 quart of water through the pot. If it filters out in less than a minute, your mix has proper drainage. 3. Sprouting. Plant a few fast-growing seeds like marigolds in your mix. If these grow and look healthy than you have a good mixture. Feel free to create your own blend using compost, peat, perlite, worm casting, vermiculite, bone meal, etc.

One you have planted your seeds, place them in an extra warm place until they sprout. Then move them to a sunny place (or you may use grow lights). Seeds that do not get enough light will tend to be tall and spindly. It also helps seeds if they have some “wind” or movement; this makes them hardier. Don’t let your plants be couch potatoes. You can place them outside on warm days for periods of time before you plant them. And as you transplant them to the garden, you may touch their leaves, but do not touch and try not to disturb the root. Hold them by their arms and not their feet.

And as the weather warms you may want to start early seeds or plants using cold frames. Or if you are one of those Arkansas winter gardeners, you may already have wintered over greens, which will begin to produce, as the days get longer.

The Women’s Action Group (WAG) will be meeting at Linda’s garden on Sunday, January 6. The focus will be on the benefits of organic gardening for the environment and our health.