an advice column for the clueless
(December 2007)
Dear Sappho,
I find myself getting really irritated with my partner for no reason. We’ve been together for over a year and have been living together at her house for that entire time. That was swell to begin with, but after six months or so, I began to find myself growing restless and irritated with our routine. I began yearning for my simpler, pre-coupled life. At the same time, I love the comfort and familiarity of sleeping and eating together. I can’t decide whether to go back to living in separate houses or somehow creating more space for myself at her house. (I’m not even sure whether the latter would work as a solution.) We’ve talked about it some; she is very comfortable with our present living arrangement, doesn’t like living alone and isn’t looking forward to changing our current arrangement. Do you have any suggestions for us? We’re both aware of Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication process and try to use it whenever we find ourselves stressed over any issue. (So please don’t bring up that nonviolent communication group in Crosses.) Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Looking for the perfect answer
Dear Looking,
OK, I can take a hint and will back off from mentioning that really great group in Crosses, AR, which continues to be a source of growth for women living there. And thank you for approaching a topic which has been on my mind in the past few months. I believe many couples struggle to find a way to live together that is mostly beneficial to both partners. We’ve been socialized to believe that living together is The Way to partner with a lover. And yet, one person in a relationship is often more in tune with a coupled living arrangement than the other. I believe that most couples simply fall into a this-is-the-way-it-is attitude and carry on with their resentments and irritations, developing passive-aggressive or other behaviors in an attempt to bring themselves brief avenues of relief. I, personally, believe there are healthier means of maintaining a strong couple bond, but I’m at a loss to describe how two people go about achieving the perfect solution you’re seeking for two people with very different needs. So I’m going to ask our readers to help you by offering their ideas and experiences on this issue.
If you have any advice to offer “Looking” on the issue of living in a relationship while getting most of one’s needs satisfied, most of the time (particularly one partner’s need for time and space alone) without extensive suffering on anyone’s part, please email us at sapphosweb.com. We’ll publish your letters in the spring (March) edition of “Sappho’s Web.” I hope, Looking, that you can hold on until then.
Sappho
(December 2007)
Dear Sappho,
I find myself getting really irritated with my partner for no reason. We’ve been together for over a year and have been living together at her house for that entire time. That was swell to begin with, but after six months or so, I began to find myself growing restless and irritated with our routine. I began yearning for my simpler, pre-coupled life. At the same time, I love the comfort and familiarity of sleeping and eating together. I can’t decide whether to go back to living in separate houses or somehow creating more space for myself at her house. (I’m not even sure whether the latter would work as a solution.) We’ve talked about it some; she is very comfortable with our present living arrangement, doesn’t like living alone and isn’t looking forward to changing our current arrangement. Do you have any suggestions for us? We’re both aware of Rosenberg’s nonviolent communication process and try to use it whenever we find ourselves stressed over any issue. (So please don’t bring up that nonviolent communication group in Crosses.) Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Looking for the perfect answer
Dear Looking,
OK, I can take a hint and will back off from mentioning that really great group in Crosses, AR, which continues to be a source of growth for women living there. And thank you for approaching a topic which has been on my mind in the past few months. I believe many couples struggle to find a way to live together that is mostly beneficial to both partners. We’ve been socialized to believe that living together is The Way to partner with a lover. And yet, one person in a relationship is often more in tune with a coupled living arrangement than the other. I believe that most couples simply fall into a this-is-the-way-it-is attitude and carry on with their resentments and irritations, developing passive-aggressive or other behaviors in an attempt to bring themselves brief avenues of relief. I, personally, believe there are healthier means of maintaining a strong couple bond, but I’m at a loss to describe how two people go about achieving the perfect solution you’re seeking for two people with very different needs. So I’m going to ask our readers to help you by offering their ideas and experiences on this issue.
If you have any advice to offer “Looking” on the issue of living in a relationship while getting most of one’s needs satisfied, most of the time (particularly one partner’s need for time and space alone) without extensive suffering on anyone’s part, please email us at sapphosweb.com. We’ll publish your letters in the spring (March) edition of “Sappho’s Web.” I hope, Looking, that you can hold on until then.
Sappho
No comments:
Post a Comment